Beyond the Rainbow Bridge: A Veterinary Guide to Grief and Gratitude

The air is getting a little crisper and the days are starting to shorten—signs of autumn are everywhere. But for those of us in the veterinary world, September holds a unique and poignant date: September 14, National Pet Memorial Day.

For most pet parents, this day is a chance to honor the companions they’ve loved and lost. They light a candle, look through old photos, and share stories of a cherished friend. But for us, the veterinary team, this day is a subtle reminder of the profound, collective grief we carry - a silent weight that exists alongside our deep commitment to our patients and our passion for the job.

The Unique Weight of Veterinary Compassion

We don’t just witness grief; we absorb it. We’re the ones holding the paw during a final goodbye. We’re the ones who’ve celebrated a puppy’s first vaccine series and then, years later, helped that same dog cross the rainbow bridge. Each pet that touches our lives leaves a mark, a story, a memory.

There’s a unique and heavy weight to this kind of grief. It’s not just for a single loved one, but for hundreds of them. We witness the final moments of a beloved patient, then turn around to see our next appointment—a puppy ready for its first checkup—with a smile on our face. We compartmentalize our emotions out of necessity, but that grief doesn’t just disappear. It’s stored away, a quiet hum in the background of a busy day.

This day is a crucial reminder that it’s okay to feel that hum. It’s okay to pause and remember the patients - and their people - who impacted us most. The spunky cat who never liked you until the very end, the loyal senior dog who taught you a new lesson about resilience, the emergency case you fought so hard for. Their stories are a part of ours, too.

Making Space to Remember, Reflect, and Recharge

In a profession that demands constant forward motion, it’s easy to forget to process our own emotions. National Pet Memorial Day is a perfect opportunity to establish rituals for yourself and your team to honor the ones who came before, while still holding space in your heart for the ones yet to come. 

1. Acknowledge Your Own Feelings: Give yourself permission to mourn. You’re not just a professional; you are a human who loves animals. It is a testament to your compassion that you feel loss so deeply. 

2. Honor Them with Joyful Last Moments: While a final goodbye is a time of immense sorrow, it can also be filled with small acts of love. Give that life-long counter-surfer a piece of chocolate, let a dog who was always on a strict diet enjoy an entire Big Mac, or share stories of their funny quirks. These moments of shared joy and laughter can be a treasured gift for both the client and the team, creating a beautiful and peaceful memory to hold in your heart.

3. Break the Stress Cycle: The physiological stress of our profession is real. Even once the appointment is over and the immediate stressor is gone, our body is still dealing with the emotional, physical, and psychological stress and trauma. This trapped stress can lead to chronic exhaustion, burnout, or worse. To help combat this, try incorporating small rituals to complete the stress cycle and signal to your body that it is OK.

• Move your body: A quick walk around the clinic or a few stretches can break the physical tension. Try dancing it out or physically shaking your entire body - yes, just like a dog shakes after physical restraint! 
• Mindful breathing: Take 60 seconds between appointments for a few deep breaths to reset your nervous system.
• Find the funny at the end of the day: Laughter can release tension and reset your nervous system. Bonus points if you can laugh with a friend!
• Connect with others: A quick chat on your way home, a friendly smile at the coffee shop, a venting session with your work BFF can all remind your body and mind that you’re safe and connected.
• Get creative: Draw, write, craft - whatever helps your body process and release stress.
• Hugs!: A 20-second hug or cuddle can ease stress and release oxytocin.
• Cry it out: That cathartic ugly-cry really DOES make you feel better, so bring on the tears if you feel like crying.

4. Create a Collective Space: Creating a memorial board or a small, dedicated corner in the clinic allows your team to collectively honor the pets who’ve passed. This visible tribute validates the grief we all carry and gives us a tangible way of saying, “We remember them, too.” For clients, seeing their beloved companion memorialized can offer a powerful sense of closure, helping them understand that their pet’s life brought love and joy to so many.

5. Honor Them in the Moment: When a client says their final goodbye, offer a moment of quiet, a gentle hand, or a hug if it’s appropriate. Send a personal card with a handwritten note from the whole team. Consider a donation to a local rescue organization or charity fund in the pet’s memory.  These small, compassionate acts not only help the client, but they also provide your team with a sense of closure and purpose.

Remembering What Matters Most

The bond we share with our patients is a profound privilege. It’s what drew us to this field, and it’s why we stay, even through the hardest days. But this day is also a reminder of the unlikely bonds we form with their humans. We may have entered this profession for the animals, but we are inextricably linked to the people who love them. We share in their sorrow, celebrate their triumphs, and form a powerful connection through our shared love for the patient. This, too, is a part of our legacy.

This September 14, take a moment. Remember the ones you have loved and lost, whether they were cherished patients or beloved members of your own family. Your empathy is your greatest strength, and honoring those memories is a vital part of what it means to be a veterinary professional.

Remember, you don’t have to go it alone. For assistance in helping your clients (and yourself) cope with the loss of a beloved pet, Lap of Love is here to help. Visit their website to learn more about their pet loss and grief resources.