Leading by Choosing Yourself: A Love Letter to Self-Care

Valentine’s Day used to mean flowers, cards, and dinner plans. Now it mostly means rushing between work, kids, responsibilities, and hoping I remember to grab something pink at the grocery store on the way home for my kiddo.

And that feels about right for this stage of life.

Veterinary medicine has a funny way of teaching us to put ourselves last. Not intentionally. Not maliciously. It just happens slowly. You skip lunch because a case runs long. You stay late because a client needs reassurance. You answer one more message because it feels easier than saying no. Over time, that becomes the norm. You become very good at being needed and very bad at being rested.

So this Valentine’s Day, I am choosing me.

Not in a big, splashy, dramatic way. Not with a weekend away or by eating a box of chocolates on the couch (although if you can make those things happen, I fully support it!!). I am choosing myself in the small, unglamorous ways that actually matter. The kinds of choices that protect energy and promote self-care.

To start? Sleep. Boundaries. Saying “No.” as a full sentence. Eating lunch. Delegating. Respecting my own time.

Those are not indulgences. They are survival skills. And for leaders, they are leadership skills.

Self-respect is not selfish

Veterinary professionals are wired to care. We are trained to notice problems and fix them. We are praised for being flexible, accommodating, and available. Those traits serve our patients and clients well. They do not always serve us.

Somewhere along the way, self-sacrifice became confused with professionalism. Being exhausted became proof of dedication. Working through lunch became a badge of honor. Answering emails late at night became normal.

But here is the truth we rarely say out loud: You cannot sustainably care for others if you do not respect yourself.

Self-respect is care, and that doesn’t just mean bubble baths or scented candles. It is not a luxury reserved for people with more time or fewer responsibilities. Self-respect is the decision to treat your own needs as real and worthy of protection.

That starts with sleep.

Sleep is not optional maintenance. It is foundational. Chronic sleep deprivation affects decision-making, emotional regulation, and physical health. In a profession that already asks us to carry grief, responsibility, and high-stakes outcomes, sleep is not something you earn after a hard week. You need sleep to function. You would never allow your 2-year-old to drink a can of Coke before bed and stay up until 4 a.m. watching Paw Patrol, right? Yet many of us (I am guilty myself!) think nothing of a late-night energy drink and one more scroll through a glowing screen.

Choosing yourself can start with  protecting sleep as best you can. Going to bed earlier instead of scrolling. Letting some things wait until morning. Accepting that you cannot fix everything tonight.

It also looks like eating breakfast. And dinner. And (surprise!) lunch, too.

And, by the way, a real lunch in the clinic is not standing at a counter. Not inhaling snacks between rooms. It’s a real break, even if it is short, even if it is quiet. Even if it feels inconvenient.

When leaders work through lunch, teams notice. When doctors skip breaks, staff follow. The culture forms quietly.

One of the biggest struggles I have as a mom and practice owner is understanding that choosing yourself sometimes means modeling the behavior you want your team and children to feel allowed to do.

Saying ‘no’ is a form of care

Most of us did not get into veterinary medicine because we are good at saying ‘no.’ We say yes to extra cases, extra responsibilities, extra expectations. We say yes because we care and because it feels easier in the moment. And, often, we want to say yes, to help, to cure, to fix.

But every ‘yes’ costs something.

Choosing yourself means recognizing that no is not a failure. It is a boundary. And boundaries protect relationships. They prevent resentment. They allow you to show up fully where it matters most.

That might mean saying no to staying late when you are already depleted. Saying no to one more add-on appointment. Saying no to being the default fixer for everything.

It might mean saying no to your own internal pressure to be perfect. 

Remember that delegation is not abandonment. For practice owners and leaders, choosing yourself often means delegating. This is easier said than done. Many of us built our practices by doing everything. Letting go can feel uncomfortable. It can feel risky. It can feel like losing control.

But delegation is not abandoning responsibility. It is trusting your team and building systems that support shared ownership.

If you are the only person who can do something, that is not leadership. That is a bottleneck.

Choosing yourself might mean training someone else to take on tasks you have always owned. It might mean investing in tools that reduce manual work. It might mean accepting that things will not be done exactly the way you would do them.

That is okay.

Leadership is not about doing everything. It is about creating space for others to succeed.

Protected time matters

One of the most powerful acts of self-respect is protecting time. That means protected lunch. Protected admin time. Protected evenings.

This does not mean nothing ever runs over. Veterinary medicine is unpredictable. Patients need us. Emergencies happen. But if every day runs over, that is not unpredictability. That is a system problem.

Choosing yourself means looking honestly at where time is leaking. Where inefficiencies are stealing energy. Where workflows could be improved to give people their lives back.

This is where leadership and self-care intersect. When leaders value efficiency, clarity, and protected time, teams feel it. When leaders normalize overwork, teams absorb it.

Choosing yourself as a leader is not separate from choosing your team.

Valentine’s Day does not need grand gestures

This Valentine’s Day, choosing yourself might look quiet: Going to bed on time. Eating lunch without guilt. Leaving work when your day is done. Asking for help. Turning off notifications. Letting yourself rest without explaining why.

It might feel uncomfortable at first. Guilt often shows up when we change patterns. That does not mean the change is wrong.

Self-respect is not loud. It is steady. It is consistent. It is choosing yourself again tomorrow and the day after that.

Veterinary medicine needs professionals who can stay. Who can lead. Who can care deeply without burning out.

Choosing yourself is not stepping away from the profession. It is choosing to stay in it in a healthier way.

This Valentine’s Day, that feels like the most meaningful choice I can make. And somewhere between self-respect and sustainability, I will also remember to grab something pink for my kid on the way home. Because real balance has to fit into real life, grocery store stops included.